Spirit of the Eagle

I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like beating my head up against the wall. WHy? Because I am fighting this battle inside of me that is not allowing the outside of me to do what needs to be done.

I just re-joined Flylady.net to try and get my behind in gear to get a hold of the small parts of my home that are spiraling out of control. I am trying to find a way to break this all up so I don’t get overwhelmed, but the sheer magnitude of what I am facing is making me feel sick.

I want to be the super wife and super mom. I want to be Proverbs 31…bad!!! My inner self is fighting against the change to being productive every single day instead of giving in to my bouts of depression (like the one I’m in right now). I know that God is pushing my limits and boundaries, so that I can become that person I know He wants me to be, but my flesh is FIGHTING HARD against the change.

It’s not just about cleaning, it’s about organizing my life…my thoughts…my homeschool and doing everything “in decency and in order”.